Who am I?
by Always Angels Girl
Summary: Dawn refects on her life. And she's not happy :o(


Title: Who am I? (Dawn Fic)  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.... I am not Mr Whedon, but if I were... things would be very different around here....  
Rating: R (deals with death)  
Summary: Dawn recaps on her "life" after her mother's death.  
Feedback: Gemma_wheeler@hotmail.com Please feed me, I am so hungry!  
Authors Note: I wrote this for a Buffy Role Play game at yahoo, but had a problem and couldn't post it. It was all part of drawing attention to my character as I was feeling a little left out.. BUT then, I added more onto it, and sent it to my friend Lisa and she thought that I should send it to the groups as well as post it on the RPG...  
Dedication: To Lisa who still has faith in my writing.  
  
  
Dawn sat in her room.  
  
She was upset. About everything. About her life. She felt alone...  
  
So alone.  
  
The thing was that she actually, in that moment in time felt so alone. Felt like she had lost so much. And why should she. After all, she wasn't real. As Buffy had once said to her after doing a spell;  
  
"You are not my sister".  
  
All her friends were on vacation at the moment. And Buffy was out with her friends... Well, either that or Slaying.  
  
"Are they really my friends? Or were they placed here to, was I put into their lives? Do they really know me? They don't know what I am, and why I am here, they just think that I am Dawn Summers... That odd girl with the odd sister... If only they knew the truth, then that WOULD give them something to pick on me about!"  
  
And Dawn? Well she didn't even know what her use was. Why she was here. What her purpose on this earth was.  
  
She knew that she wasn't created as a human. She was a demon? She was energy? She wasn't a teenage girl. She felt tears in her eyes. Tears in her NON-HUMAN eyes.   
  
Dawn stood up and went down stairs and into the kitchen and got a sharp knife out of the utensil draw. She knew it was wrong. But she was wasting her sister's time. Buffy could be doing some REAL good, not looking out for little miss pointless twenty four seven. Buffy should go save the world. There must be so many things that she could be saving right now...  
  
"Yeah, if it wasn't for me... Buffy would be here again. A Vampire Slayer, not the protector of the THING that's not even her sister"  
  
Sure, if she did this, there would be heartache, but think how much easier it would be if she did. There would be no more Glory. Hey, if there's no Key, then she won't be here bothering Buffy and everyone else. She would cause more heartache being here than if she wasn't.  
  
"I am nothing... I am a mistake... I have not got the power... It's BETTER this way. It's good, it's good, it's good" She told herself.  
  
Dawn looked at the knife in her hand. Tears streaming down her face. Her brought the sharp object slowly across her left wrist. The blood, a deep shade of read, thick, creamy, drawing slowly to start with, then faster... Dawn felt faint. Dizzy, hot. She sunk to the ground in a pool of blood.   
  
"Summers Blood"   
  
"Don't talk such shit... This is NOT Summers blood. This isn't even REAL! I'm not even real!"  
  
She pulled the knife across the other wrist. Dropping the knife...  
  
She saw the knife fall in slow motion. Fell to the ground slowly.  
  
Blood. Deep. Powerful.  
  
Her world and everything around her blurred... Went dizzy.  
  
"I'm nothing. I'm nothing... I'm... It's better this way"  
  
She blacked out.  
  
  
~Dawn~  
  
  
  
Part Two  
  
She could feel her life draining away. Dawn couldn't open her eyes, she was dizzy, and every second, she felt her self get weaker and weaker.   
  
She wanted to cry out. To cry out for Buffy, For Willow, to anyone that would listen to her.   
  
The pool of blood in which she was laying in began to go from its warm state, and starts to cool down... Getting colder and colder. Her body temperature dropped.   
  
Dawn shivered, her eyes tightly clenched shut.   
  
She used all her remaining strength to call out;  
  
"Buffy... Please... I'm so sorry"  
  
Even though it was called out with all her strength, it came out merely as a whisper. A coherent, weak whisper.  
  
  
Buffy wondered the rest field cemetery alone. The night was quiet, no vampires to slay and no demons to vanquish. She used the nights like this to think. To think about her life. Her mothers death and Dawns life. And what was to become of her baby sister after all of this.  
  
She thought about Dawn. At the moment, she was the only thing that Buffy had. And Buffy knew that Dawnie needed a mother figure, and Buffy was the only one who could attempt to play that part.  
  
She sighed and sat on a swing as she reached Weatherly Park. She pushed herself off, swinging higher and higher.   
  
Her life as a slayer wasn't easy. She knew it. There was so much that she had to look for and so much to do, and such a short time to do it in. She hated it. The one thing that she wanted to do was to keep her sister. She wanted to be able to protect her from Glory, or any kind of harm that may strike. But she couldn't, there was so much that she had to look after. And somehow, this just seemed pointless to Buffy.  
  
Buffy jumped off the swing whilst it was in mid air. That was enough waiting for tonight. She was going to go home and make her and Dawn dinner, so that they could be a normal family.   
  
She grabbed up her bag and slung it over her shoulder.  
  
  
Buffy fumbled for her keys in the front door. She opened it and looked inside. It was quiet. The TV wasn't even on... Hey, maybe Dawn was actually doing as she was told and was in her room doing her homework?  
  
"Well" Buffy said to herself "I think I am getting good at this whole parenting thing!"  
  
Buffy dropped down her bag and went into the Living room and looked around.  
  
"Dawnie!?" She called out.  
  
  
In the kitchen. Dawnie heard her sister call. She couldn't reply. She didn't believe herself when she heard the voice anyhow. She lay there. Unable to move. Unable to breathe. And unable to think straight. This was it.  
  
This was what it felt like to be dying. To have your blood drained from you..  
  
  
When she didn't hear Dawn answer, she called out again as she began to walk up the stairs.  
"I was gonna make a call to the pizza guy, are you up for that?"  
  
Dawns room was empty. Buffy's room was empty. Joyce's room was too... Same with the bathroom.  
  
Buffy was puzzled. Followed by worried. She ran down the stairs and into the kitchen to find the phone. She slipped over. She looked down at her hands. They were covered in blood. Cool red blood.  
  
Her eyes widened when she saw the sight beside her.  
  
  
TBC....  
  
  
Part three.  
  
  
"Dawn?" Buffy whispered, touching her sisters face "Dawn... Please... No..."  
  
She checked for a pulse. It was absent. She rolled her sister over on her back and cleared the airway, before reaching and grabbing the phone from the holder and dialling 911.  
  
"Hello?" She said into it... "Please help me... it's my sister... She's hurt" Buffy had tears in her eyes, she couldn't think straight.  
  
On command, she checked the pulse again and breathing. She was out. Cold.   
  
She begins CPR. Breathing for Dawn, filling her lungs, then compressing, fifteen compressions to three breaths. Still, nothing.  
  
She repeated again and again. Not giving up hope that she could revive her sister.  
  
"The ambulance is on its way" The operator told her "It will only be a few minutes"  
  
"A few minutes" Buffy convinced herself, nodding, and then carrying on with the CPR.  
  
It was like it was a miracle. On the third breath that Buffy gave Dawn, dawns head came forward and she began to choke and cough and splutter.   
  
"Dawnie?" Buffy cried out, and then into the phone "She's awake... "  
  
Buffy listened to instructions, putting pressure onto the deep wounds on Dawn's wrists. Tying them so that no more blood can be last.  
  
Dawn tired to talk but couldn't. She felt herself want to loose consciousness again.   
  
Buffy examined her. She was so pale... She couldn't say anything. Her eyes opened and closed, sensitive to the light.  
  
Buffy heard sirens coming up the street.  
  
"She kissed Dawns forehead, her eyes still streaming with tears. "They are coming baby, don't worry... I will all be okay soon, it will all be over..."  
  
She ran to the front door and let the paramedics in.  
  
"What happened" the middle aged dark haired female.   
  
"I don't know, came home.. I think she cut her wrists... Our mother dies a few weeks ago... It's been hard on her" Buffy stuttered to the medic.  
  
They checked Dawn over, and gave her oxygen so that she would be able to breathe more easily. They put her onto a trolley and strapped her in. then wheeled her into the ambulance.   
  
Buffy followed, getting in beside her, holding her hand as the medic checked Dawn over again.  
  
"Keep her talking, we have to make sure that she stays awake" She told Buffy.  
  
Buffy nodded.   
  
"Dawnie? Talk to me, listen to me, anything... Please, I'm so scared for you... Please don't leave me... I can't loose you Dawn... I can't protect you like this... You are THE MOST important thing to me!"  
  
Dawn opened her eyes and tried to focus on her sister's teary face.   
  
"B...Buff...y... I'm so s...sorry"  
  
Buffy kissed her on the head again. "I know sweetie... Just promise not to scare me like that again... Please, I can't loose you Dawnie...."  
  
TBC  
  
Part Four  
  
Buffy sat with Dawn whilst she slept. She had been given blood, and was on oxygen as well. There were still many risks involved. But the doctor had commented on how well Dawn was doing. Most young girls would have died, especially with the severe loss of blood that Dawns body had incurred.   
  
Buffy had called the gang, and they came in to sit with her and Dawn on regular intervals. But it was now 2am, and they had all gone home to bed, leaving Buffy alone with her sister.  
  
She couldn't sleep. She was still too worried that she was going to loose Dawn. She couldn't. Not now.   
  
She sipped on her coffee and talked to her sister. She hoped that even though she was sleeping, that she was hearing what Buffy was saying to her.  
  
"Dawnie... I love you so much. Why did you do it? Hurt yourself. I know that we have had our ups and downs... But I have to take care of you now Dawnie. I can't not look after you. If anything happened to you, I would loose myself Dawnie. I wouldn't be able to go on without you"  
  
Tears stung in her eyes as she spoke. Meaning every word.  
  
A knock interrupted her thoughts.   
  
She looked to the door. "Come in"  
  
The door opened and a dark haired man looked in. Buffy's face was relieved when she saw who it was. He spoke.  
  
"I heard what happened... Willow told Cordelia... I had to come. Is this okay?"  
  
Angel.  
  
She smiled at him.  
  
"Angel... I'm so glad you're here..."  
  
"I am going to take you home" He told her.  
  
Buffy shook her head.  
  
"I can't go home Angel... I have to stay with Dawnie." She replied, looking at her little sister, sleeping peacefully in the bed.  
  
"Yes, you can. I have spoken with one of the nurses, and they say that they will tell her that I have taken you home to get some rest. She's out of Danger now Buffy. I don't want to see you get sick due to lack of sleep."  
  
She looked at Angel and then back at Dawn again. She wanted to agree, but on the other hand. She didn't want to leave dawn.  
  
Another knock on the door.  
  
Spike.  
  
"Go on Slayer... I will stay with the littlebit. You let peaches take you home and sleep. She will be okay with me. When she wakes I will tell her you had to rest."  
  
Buffy sighed. "Thank you Spike. I am grateful" She smiled at him and took Angels out stretched hand. She pulled away slightly and moved over to the bed and kissed Dawns head.  
  
Angel led Buffy out of the room and helped her on with her coat.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked her, concerned.   
  
Buffy nodded and squeezed his hand. "Much better now that you are here" She whispered to him as they walked out of the hospital and out to Angels car.   
  
The drive back to Revello Drive was quiet. Angel looked over at Buffy's weary face every so often.  
  
He noticed how much older she looked. It had been merely weeks since he last came to visit, after her mother's funeral. But the strain of her life was clearly overcoming her now. Aging her. She was only twenty years old. She looked at least five years older.  
  
He reached for her hand. She took his in her lap and looked at him.  
  
"Thanks again for coming"   
  
  
THE END  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
